LISTEN LIKE A ROCK!

Every relationship goes through communication struggles. Somedays that struggle is to simply say nothing and avoid eachother, and other days it's filled with you both just trying to "help" the other see your point of view…. It's like that old saying, "communication is key," but what happens when the key is rusty, or the lock is jammed?

Been there, done that. Having a conversation with my husband, pouring my heart out about something important, and what did I get in return? Not genuine understanding, but what felt like a rehearsed response.

Depending on where your marriage is these days…I'm sure you can relate to some degree…. It's frustrating, isn't it?

You're not alone.

Too often, couples fall into the trap of not truly listening to each other. Instead of listening to understand, they listen to reply. It's like a tennis match of words, where one serves and the other returns, but nobody's scoring points for real connection. As I just mentioned, been there done that. From both sides of the net. I've had my fair share of "listening to reply" moments, and because growth is ever constant, they still happen sometimes. The difference now is I've learned techniques that help me catch what I'm doing and change the direction of what I like to call my loop. Where I have a thought or idea stuck on a constant loop heading downward. And when our thoughts are going down, it’s not a good thing.

What have I learned and where have I learned it? Well, a lot of it is biblically based (Jesus is my #1 rolemodel who I know will NEVER steer me wrong) and the little tidbits mixed in have come from those who are even further along than I. Rolemodel, teachers and mentors. 

Now, let’s flip through the pages of wisdom and find some biblical guidance to illuminate our path towards better communication.

Proverbs 18:21 reminds us of the power of our words. "The tongue has the power of life and death." Our words can either build up or tear down our spouse. Imagine the impact of speaking life into your partner, affirming and encouraging them with your words.

Then there’s Ephesians 4:29, which nudges us to filter our speech. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Our words should be seasoned with grace, lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down.

And an absolute fav of mine; A go to for those downward loops that we may get stuck in, Proverbs 10:19, “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” Sometimes, less is more. Instead of filling the silence with empty words, it's wise to hold our tongues and listen intently. Listen as if your whole life depends on understanding.

So, what's the antidote to this communication conundrum? Active listening, my friends. James 1:19 lays it out plainly: “be quick to listen and slow to speak.” Active listening involves giving our undivided attention to our partner, asking questions, and seeking to understand their perspective.

When we truly listen to our spouse, it’s saying, "Hey, I'm here for you. Your words matter to me."

So, let’s put these biblical principles into action. Let's seek wisdom from those farther along than us and let’s commit to speaking life into our marriages, filtering our words with grace, and practicing the art of active listening. And remember, communication is more about listening with an open heart and mind than getting the last word in.

Until next time, stay Anchored in Love & Guided by Faith!

Perfectly Imperfect,

Sam & Ron